what if

Generally, I do not live by what if's.... I find that they are useless comparisons for life.

But today I am all about the "what if's"

See, I have a sixth sense that is more developed than most. And while I would like to fine-tune mine, there are days that I am relieved that is is still in a relatively elementary stage.
Often my "feelings," perceptions, senses about future events come true. I have known that people were going to die. I have known what choices people were going to make and what the subsequent path would be. I have "seen" a hotel burn and 4 months later is burned in the EXACT same way. I cannot do this predicting at will and it happens, largely, without conscious thought.

Each major step on my journey I have had some pointers inside as to what the future was going to hold. It helps me know I am stepping and where to step. I don't know all the details, and some are vague. Hindsight however makes the vague ones make perfect, crystal clear sense.

I am at a point where I have known change is coming. I have known the timeline with out the understanding for a long time. Now I know why.
I will be resigning my position.
Shit is gonna fly. The ceiling will, predictably, get dirty.
But it is time.

Here is my dilemma.... I have ALWAYS had a pulse point as to what was next. Always.
This time I do not.
It feels slightly worrisome....and I wonder what affairs I need to get in order, what people I need to make a priority, who I want to spend time with and if I should pursue "next" with out this 6th sense as my guide.
Have I fulfilled my allotted time? Is this the end for me? (D0 you here the "What if" theme?)

I have had two dreams over the last few months that have been very vivid... and the same theme; I drowned, in my car, in a flash flood. I have never had personal death dreams before. But b/c we did not live in a river area I questioned the accuracy, the symbolism.The flash flooding of the last few days here in central PA have made me stop, consider..... stay put.

Isaac has blossomed over the last few months. His heart has turned in deeper, newer ways to the kids, as well. They trust him and crave him like never before. My schedule this past year has facilitated that they go to him to be filled more than they previously needed to. And everyone is secure and happy.

I know this sounds crazy. That is why I am glad no one really reads my blog.... I can ramble freely.