going back to define the present

I wrote this on Saturday nearing the end of a long six weeks. Since August 1st I have had three days off, today included, and I spent a minimum of an hour on the phone with either my assistant or admin each day. One week I worked 86 hours. I haven't worked less than 50 hours in weeks. And it's not enough.
That's the background to the following paragraph.

I feel ineffective. I feel like I am buzzing 100 miles per hour at all times. That kills creativity. I am energetic and I am a do-er… but this system is making me feel like I am stuck on a perpetual treadmill. So then I look at my skill set and my strengths and who I have been in the past. And this is not an accurate picture of me. My conclusion of myself is that I have allowed the job to define (re-define) elements of me… and it is NOT healthy. (sorry, I always get way honest and personal) SO the natural response is to prioritize and downsize, right? I reworked our calendar and while 2012 will still be busy it is do-able. This week (Sept 1 to be exact) I found out that there is MORE that the “brass” want to add to my plate. GOOD things… but……


I am going to rewrite a journal entry from 5-25-11

"Saved and redeemed has nothing to do with the details of my day, but it is the reason I do what I do.

Two days ago I lived as Angel -created, saved, and redeemed. I stepped more fully into the ME I was designed to be. Yesterday more transpired as a result. I am walking in honesty. (with myself, others)

Lord, please go before me and smooth the rough places. Preserve me and others from my immaturity. I want to rely on you, be in you! Please Lord, prepare the way. I am nothing with out you."

I could have written this entry today. This past year has been a grueling journey of growth.

And, I believe it is done! I was true to myself, true to You.

Now as I branch out I am scared. I feel my lack and my weaknesses. I need you, Lord.

Prepare the way as I need courage in the next phase.