Footprint

Today I met a man. An old man. A man who thought ten years ago he was going to die. Then again seven years ago. Then he thought he wouldn't be able to finish his memoirs. He just did. And published them.

He's been married for 51 years. He has grand-kids as old as I am. He has lived many places, done many things, met many people. Today I met him. I will never be the same.

He spoke to me. He talked to me. In a way I have NEVER EVER experienced. I guess it was with the wisdom of age, of knowing life is bigger than you. He told me that no one is every really remembered after three generations. "Even if they write a book. Even if they are great. Their humanity is gone. Our life is a breath. Yet each moment of our life effect generations for ever. When we walk, even if it's not a deliberate move, it leads us to where we are going.Everywhere we are is a sum of where we have been. It is always in a line. Always." He said that looking back over his life he sees how every single footstep led the way to the next...and that God was in every choice. "It is so very clear from here......."

Then he looked at me and told me what he saw in me... told me to lean into life. "Stop holding back. Develop who you are... who you naturally are. I see you great," he said. "I hear you speak. Use your voice. Let your words change people. It will be public, in front of many. It is who you are. It is in your presence. Lean in!"

He said I speak well...he can see what I say... "develop it.... it's a gift." So sweet.

He told me to write. Write. write. "It tells you who you are and points you down your path" His eyes filled with tears when I told him I burned every journal I had ever written from age 12 to age 29. Mine did too. "A new chapter to be rid of the pain," I said. He could not speak. "Re-write it. Write what you remember. All of it."

He continued, "Everyone has secrets. Things they tell no one. Things they sometimes don't even tell themselves. So does every marriage. That's life. I am there very often when the floodgates open. Sometimes I am ready... sometimes not. But training and listening, growing, and life.... it gives you what you need each time." "Don't ever beat yourself up for what you said or didn't say as it is part of the process. Learn. Just learn." Then he looked me in my eyes, "you and your husband. Are you happy?"
He said that no one ever tips the chart happy in marriage. "That's a good marriage to admit it."

He told me the biggest mistake he ever made in his marriage was not doing everything in his power to make sure his wife became a nurse. Again, he looked away as his eyes welled with deep emotion.

He heard me! I was more honest with him today than I have ever been with any other human being besides Isaac... yet I didn't say many words. He knew me.I didn't need to speak. Every word from his mouth was somehow exactly what I needed to hear.

Something changed inside me today. Another footprint of my life.
Thanks, Harold.