The secret to being more beautiful, less saggy, and a whole lot less wrinkled.

Layers, Layers, Layers are peeling away. The last few weeks I have been in a purification process.. Again.

Isaac said it is perfectly natural for a mid thirties woman to question life and reality and want to buy new boobs and move to the beach. In Bali. He should know, since he has an advanced degree in Woman studies.
While in most ways I feel healthier and more alive, more ME than ever.. there is this part that wellll..... um.....  feels like a chemical peel

What is a chemical peel?

Chemical peels are topically applied acids that help to rejuvenate the skin surface by creating an even and controlled shedding of the skin cells. A chemical peel involves a peeling agent being placed on the skin, which causes a superficial wound. The depth of the peel depends on the concentration and type of acid used and the duration of contact. Dermatologists perform superficial and medium-depth peels using glycolic, salicylic or trichloroacetic acid (TCA). Since glycolic and salicylic acid provide a more superficial peel than TCA peels, in order to achieve maximum benefit they will need to be repeated a number of times over several weeks to months.                                  Photos Courtesy of Bioglan Pharma Inc.

Yep. That.

I am great! Really. I feel ecstatic that I am going to be more beautiful. Less saggy. Less spotty. Wrinkled. Scarred.  

YEY! 

YEY! 

YEY!!!!!

But right now... it is helllllllll. HELL, I tell ya.

I may or may not be yelling, snapping, biting and kicking more. Pray for us. Its ugly up in here, yo.

Life looks way different than I imagined it would when I planned my life at age 12.

I have had a few years of relative comfort. Inspired. Creative. Largely settled. The last year was full of health problems culminating, I thought, in surgery. But, NO...... they continue to plague me.
And the relative comfort ? Well....  lets just say I am in a time of a (radical) lifestyle change.

In that place BETWEEN.
You know the place.... where the freeing knowledge that change is needed/coming/ WOOHOOO is replaced with the drudgery of diligent waiting as you try to be wise with today's actions. Living fully in the now. The JOY in the process. HA. I think someone famous said that.  They must know. So I am clinging to their words.
And maybe napping more. But not because I am depressed. Really. I am just having bouts of physical pain that shuts my system down. (ok. Maybe a little depressed. )

Smiles are present. Life is good. It's just this darn thorn. My thorn in the flesh. My nemesis.  Wanna know what it is?

        I.         Am.      Introspective.

That felt good to say out loud. In print it doesn't sound so bad. Introspective.  Hmmm. It almost has a mysterious feel to it. Conjuring up visions of flower printed, skirted hippies sitting in a circle, smoking a peace pipe, solving the worlds problems as a hot, sweet scented desert breeze blows long hair away from sun-kissed cheeks.

Introspective. To me the word means tedious. stalling. It causes worry. And fear. Then I get overwhelmed. Melancholy.
Which is contrary to my nature.

The only way around this time is.... straight through it. Mainly ignoring it. See, it is familiar. I have been here before. Every time I grow it is the SAME process.

1. Enlightenment
2. Acknowledgement
3. Acceptance
4. Excitement
5. Darkness in between (with lots of time THINKING)
6. Maturity
7. Change

I notice the 7th step more in hindsight, y'know. When #6 comes 'round I realize once again that life is not about me, that I am small in a very large world, that beauty is EVERYWHERE, and that opportunities are around every corner. Six gently leads me into adaptation of my new normal. Somewhere along the way seven slips in silently and permanently.

I am writing in the middle, smack dab, of #5. So I will run.... many miles. This time around I cannot comfort myself with coffee, doctors orders. Though she did give me some valium...... (funny, I am having anxiety about taking it)


I will embrace all of life. Each decision. Each change. Each NEW.  I will rest in the process. I will keep moving forward. I will follow my instincts. And ...... I will soon look into my rearview mirror and see the answers.

But for now..... please, pass the peace pipe.