Blurred edges, Inner song

Seeking and  then finding is a miracle. Especially when the finding is bigger than the seeking.

I am convinced that being a woman is, in and of itself, the single most beautiful process in the world. 
Our ability to multi task, be both introspective and objective, simultaneously see the details and the goal, moving, changing, adapting, giving..... mmmmmm. MMMMMMM. 

Ever analytical, a simple thought can adjust our spinal cord; in an instant we can do a 180 revolutionizing the mundane into spectacular.

Caring deeply. Feeling intensely. Loving fiercely. Gently Smiling. 

One day, we find ourselves floating alone in the middle of an ocean of doubt. Or pain. Or nothing.  Women don't do well in nothing. Numbness is contrary to our biological DNA.

When we notice that somewhere along the way we ceased to be vibrant we freeze. Adapt.
Adapt to the knowledge. 
And we process. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes with words. Spoken. Written. Maybe through DIY project. Or painting. Maybe silently.  But process we must. 

We try to figure out how long we have been where we are and why it took so long to notice. Sometimes the stages of grief are present. Tears. Yelling (even if it is silent yelling, the DEEEP down in our soul kind) Denial.  You know them.... You've been there.

Courageous, we do not stop it. 
Scared. 
But curious about the warmth of the light you feel growing inside.

 And then.....
All of a sudden we quest to once again live. Feel. Laugh. Deep down. 
And we seek. We seek hard.
Looking. 
Aching.
Trying to find what we let go.
The missing piece.  The ONE vital, elusive piece.  

And, in the way life often goes, timing always perfect in hindsight, one day, during  a simple daily task, the missing is discovered. The missing and very obvious (I might add) piece is strikingly clear. 
Knocking us over.
Taking our breath.
Our skin feels new sensation.
Our eyes brighten.


And we begin to move again. Forward. Trusting the irrefutable fact that one foot forward creates momentum.

Our future begins to extend into our soul in pictures. 
Expanding as a person, as a woman. 
Instantly we know ourselves in deeper, more significant ways. We understand the world a bit more.  
Lessons learned along the way sew themselves together into a tapestry. 

Trust grows. Deeply, with conviction... we trust... Ourselves. 
More. And Again. 

Growth begins anew. 
This time we grow as a woman grows; with grace, with love, intuition and with distinct ebb and flow. Nurture, laughs, and nail polish will assist the journey. As will the sharply gentle voice of honesty. 

Our integral focus is luminously clear in the center and blurred around the edges… for depth. And mystery.

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I did not set out to explore the inner recesses of womanhood. To celebrate it. Revel in it. Experience it. Behold it. 

Frankly, I took it for granted. 

But as I matured, worked, learned, lived (and have recently been in its intense embrace) I began to have a DEEP abiding appreciation for the composition of a woman. ALL we are. In our differences. In our Same. We absorb the world different than a man. We process in layers. We have a NEED for each other, a deep, deep need to connect to each other.... even if we do not know how to reach for it. And we are all striving to be seen. And loved as we are. 

Renewed, I am simply committed to being a woman in all my complexities. Being true to myself, of course, is breath to my lungs. I am committed to listening to my inner directing vibrato. The one with which I was born. (but am only recently recognizing as a song) Do you know your song?

The realization that I am growing as me. In my womanhood, as a woman, fills me with calm longing. Pulsing. Aching. Swaying.

For me growth must be with graceful intentionality - with submission, knowledge, and perseverance.