Confessions of a judgmental conservative

Ever notice that the church is the hardest place to "fit?" We are so hung up on pristine appearances we fail to see God in the details. The whole concept of "you will know them by their fruit" has become a polluted, rotten, stinky, performance-laden cluster. No one can just be. It is middle school to the max. Covered in grape juice and communion crackers. 

If you don't look like me, smell like me, laugh when I laugh and recoil on cue, then you are BAD. I would venture to say that the way we APPEAR has become more of a religion than who we serve. The "stumbling block" mantra has taken on a life form of it's own, dictating appropriateness of action based on human philosophies and comfort. 


Actions often in question: alcohol, nicotine (possibly marijuana in SOME places), modesty, where we live, homeschool or not, divorce, abortion, sanctity of marriage, foreign aid, missions.




We want everyone around us to think the same as we do.... because (darn it) we are on GOD's side. We create a culture around our beliefs of right and wrong. And when that is challenged.... we need to discuss it... it's the right things to do, doncha know?!

Often the gossip in christian circles is only evident by a look on a face, a position of the body,rarely overt, always subliminal.  A quiet though much more destructive force as EVERYONE uses the BIBLE to prove their point. Who can argue with that, hmmmm??

How do I know this? I was once there! (And am a work in progress, for sure)

If you made me uncomfortable I held back.(meaning: I judged) If you made a decision that conflicted with my beliefs, I held a holy grudge. If you wore something either last decade or too THIS decade WELLLLLLLL.... humph..... seriously, (insert a judgmental eye roll). 

I deduced reasons for WHY you did what you did and I could assume with the best of 'em. And make coulda, shoulda, suggestions like a champ, pompous beast that I am. 


And then my husband and I began to have problems. Well, the problems that were always present just intensified. They became hot to the touch, burning the skin, blisters emerged.... we desperately needed a solution. For us it was a trial separation. Space. Time to regroup and get our heads together. People who thought they knew what was going on tried to offer words of advice and encouragement towards GODLINESS. But they were empty words full of assumption. 
      *** During this time we had a very few who loved and listened, understood and supported. They did wonders for our progress.***

Through our "situation" I learned that NO ONE will make a hard decision just for fun. If someone is making a decision that I do not understand.... THERE IS A REASON. Always. 

See, I don't wake up with them, fall asleep in their bed, I don't feel their minutes and live in their brain. I haven't tried every solution with them quietly BEFORE they have to make a decision that goes public. 

  

I have dear friends in situations that are DEEEEEEEEEP and painful, gut wrenchingly life altering, making decisions that conflict with even their own beliefs of what life should be. Because life is hard. 

In the past, before I had my own encounter with reality, I might have judged, pulled away, tried to fix. Now I hug. I listen. I support. I cry with them. Laugh when they can. I walk their journey hand in hand, as much as I can, often imperfectly.

Isn't that what we are called to do? 

Too often I have seen people judge a situation harshly. They assume that they know what is right, what should be done, how to fix, and what GOD is surely saying. And one day, one terrible, horrible no good very bad day, they find a crack on the edge of perfect. Despite valiant efforts that crack turns into a crumble. There is nothing they can do.  They try and try to make their life fit their hopes, dreams, desires and beliefs. The pain intensifies as they try desperately to keep up appearances. And suddenly one day they cannot fight it anymore. 

Now they have gone through IT, they feel IT nibbling at the edges of their own life...all of a sudden they feel different, circumstances have shifted their core, what used to be no longer is. It is time to take action, respond towards health... or maybe not.  AND, as karma would dictate, hurt by the people who tell them why what they are doing is wrong. 

AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.....

I know because that is my story. A sad story. One that has brought me to my knees in repentance. One that has changed me FOREVER. For those I judged, I am so sorry. For unwarranted, ignorant advice.... I repent. For assuming I knew your story... PLEASE forgive me! If God waits to judge man well then so can I!

To move forward I had to learn a new way. This concept helped me. I am not a  theologian nor a philosopher, but I would like to suggest a connection between two verses in Matthew.

MATTHEW 5:41
If anyone compels you to go one mile, go with them two miles.

MATTHEW 7:2
For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

Can we decide to take our judgements to the cross and lay them down? 

Can we look at humanity with a grace-filled perspective? 

Can we choose to not understand someone's WHY and be ok with that? 

Can we drop the excuses, the finger pointing, the cold hearted posture of being right? 

Can we adopt a new standard of perfect? (perhaps a bit like the imperfect beauty of a sunset)

Can we let the people we know walk as best as they can... and walk the second mile with them? Can we pick them up and dust them off when they can no longer walk alone?