Stumble

Sometimes I do. When I am bored. Or I need a mindless activity. Sometimes I need inspiration for a train of thought because my own thoughts are getting far too many miles. Or I am curious. Or I feel out of touch. So I stumble. I never really know when I will stop. I usually keep going longer than I want. Some sites make me cringe. Some anger me. Others inspire. Or hold my intellect captive. Laughter is always a welcome reprieve from sites such as the Oatmeal,etc.
I guess I stumble when I feel dull or numb. It is an objective way to access parts of my soul.
Tonight I found a great site that asks questions to help me access me on my own. Novel. I believe I will begin to blog my answers. It is needed. I am desperate for a change. Desperate to get to a new level of self-awareness. I anticipate this will be hard. Some answers will be painful and multifaceted. I think will have several long posts coming up............
Question # 19: As a kid, what did you dream of becoming when you grew up?
first, and from almost birth, I dreamt of becoming a doctor. over the years the type of doctor changed. never a surgeon.never a urologist or an ent. i would dream of practicing medicine over seas in a third world setting, maybe in missions, maybe not...but mostly yes. as I matured i fine tuned my dream to be a holistic naturopathic md. i even went so far as to intern with a homeopathic naturalist in the hills of virginia. looking back i realize that it never felt like a dream to me. but reality. it just was. when i grew up a doctor i would be. not ever if or maybe.
i did not want kids of my own. i wanted to adopt. i never wanted to marry. but i wanted to love. i wanted to travel. experience. live.
i was not one of those kids that dreamt about the type of house i wanted or the way my wedding would look. i never cared much to dream about the details that make up everyday life. i took for granted that all that would fall into place.

Reality: Married. 4 kids (all mine). Not a doctor. I rarely travel (anymore). Life is predictable. I should have been more deliberate in my detail planning.