Life cycles. Around and around. The wheel turns and I soar above the pain; it fuels my journey, paves my way, makes me capable. Another rotation; I see and feel the weight of life. It rides on my back and drags me to the bottom of the rushing mountain stream.
Living in the moment is truly a journey of pain. Not always, but enough. Since I have entered my thirties it seems that my story has changed. Maturity has intensified. It now has a price. And the pain of a good work out.I am no longer learning how to live (like in my teens) or who I am (my twenties)but I am purifying what is. I recognize triggers. See blind spots.Wonder why foundational cracks long recognized need to be continually released. I ache. Laugh. Hope and dream. All in new ways.
In some ways I am more aware of my brokenness. In others aware of my zest. There is peace that comes from accepting that I am flawed. And in a process.
Right now I am in a cold dark spot. I am. The episodes of grief seem ever present. There are circumstances from every side that are pressing in, taking away my joy. For the moment. But I can see, even on this side, that it is part of the process. So a glimmer remains.
So while I woke this morning and saw the snow on the ground, the snow was around the daffodils shoots. Spring is here.... even if was cold today.
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