Brave

Being brave is an interesting thing. The video of  Sara Bareilles song Brave puts into picture form what bravery is.

I think we like to think we are brave. I know I do. I think I take risks, live slightly on the edge, never cower from  a challenge, that I am willing to make a fool of myself to get what I seek.

Excuse me while I LOL. (my daughters are cringing if they are reading this for that blatant (but brave) faux pas)

Recently I had my blinders ripped off of my eyes in a violent way.  I realized in an instant just how safe I play the game.  Isaac knows the musings of my heart. And Ann. And Char.  (they are brave.... all of them, by the way... in a gut wrenching, awe inspiring, I am blessed to have them in my life grateful way)

But me....
Words.
All words.
Just words.

The questions I am asking myself today.... When was the last time I felt the terror of potential failure or rejection? Took a stand and didn't back down? How am I standing out in the crowd? Will I allow my ugly to peek out to go after what I want? When was the last time I followed my heart, my promptings, my inner quiet voice of wisdom?

I don't like my answers. I realize just how much I rely on logic.

"...If logic ever discusses the truth of factual sentences it does so only conditionally, somewhat as follows: if such-and-such a sentence is true, then such-and-such another sentence is true. Logic itself does not decide whether the first sentence is true, but surrenders that question to one or the other of the empirical sciences." Rudolf Carnap

Logic is a strange thing...  often we listen to/ hear the logic that keeps us in the place we feel most comfortable. It keeps us from taking a risk. We justify our actions with logic. We stand on it squarely, firmly. And we say it as if it means something.
"Logically the decision should be......"

"Logic states that the best course of action is..."

But I do not think it is that simple. Our logic is largely based on our surroundings, our training,  and our personal experiences.
It is my opinion that if we change the surrounding circumstance, logic changes as well.

We must not confuse logic with wisdom. I am convinced that more often than not that when logic is listed as the reason we do or don't do something, it is actually fear.

My point is, that we must consider logic and explore the known the facts.... but we MUST realize that often the facts we know are only PART of the picture. Following LOGIC, frankly, is illogical. Life is not a mathematical equation.

I would like to suggest that wisdom is what we should seek.
And Understanding.

Often if I eschew logic and proceed instead with wisdom I end up scaring my self, pooping my pants, freaking the freak out.... and sadly, more often than not these days I put the process on "hold" and go back to what I know. To safe. (but its not really.... its just comfortable... )

Suddenly, safety goggles gone, I see myself in my brave facade, ignorantly romping through life, naked in the snow.   My fear (and logic) based decisions are beguiling me into a coma, killing my brain cells, stifling my soul. Rendering me immobile.


Now, I know I am being dramatic. But I am really very serious!

I asked myself, "WHAT AM I DOING right now... this very moment... that is BRAVE?"

I couldn't answer. Not one thing.

I admit that I am not very brave. AT ALL.
This realization is a BIG moment for me.

A sad moment.

Slipping away to the corner to cry and have a pity party did not fix it. So.... I decided to be brave. In just one thing. Just one thing to start. Even as I write these words I feel the memory butterflies flitting wildly in my tummy. OHHHHHHHHH........

 But I did it. And it felt good. And I'm gonna do it again.


And again.

And Again.

Are you brave?