Today is mother's day. Maya's soccer game after work followed by a long nap. After I woke we all snuggled on the girls couch and decided we wanted fast-food burgers and a movie. What a peaceful and relaxing day. I enjoy home. More and more I realize just how much satisfaction I derive from merely existing.
Yesterday was not one of my more stellar mom days. I actually yelled....a lot.... and taunted. Yes, I actually taunted my ten year old. Ick. When I perform in a distasteful manner I truly feel disgust. I grew up with the wise adage from the great book " what's in the heart comes out of the mouth." I do not like what is in my heart sometimes. So much so that I am going to fix it. I have decided that I am going to seek help from a therapist and, hopefully, a mentor. I am done seeking to heal myself with the knowledge I absorb from watching, reading or the from the school of hard knocks.
A position that I desire just came available at my job. A better fit for me. My heart and passion. More hours and more pay. I was made aware of the opening this morning and I found myself lingering on the possibility many times today. Here is my dilemma: I was hired to effect change in my current department. I am fully committed and have seen great strides as a result of my work. But, the surface has been barely scratched. I have so much more to do. Details that hold my interest and would keep me motivated. I do know, distinctly, that I am not in a permanent position. It is a stepping stone for me.
If a position shuffle is going to happen now is the time BEFORE the major changes are implemented. I have begun a good thing, relationships are being built, trust is being established. The right person would need to be hired to continue walking the same path. It's what the people need. Consistency. The turn-over rate has been too traumatic over the last year.
My heart is wanting to get excited and dream but I am keeping a sober approach. Is it wisdom to jump offices? Timing is everything, right?
Talon gave me a card today that said if he could choose one thing in the whole world to give me for mothers day he would give me...... himself. What a gift. The note was written on a card where he drew a flower scene, grass and clouds with a colorful butterfly suspended in the open space between. When I exclaimed at the beauty his eyes glinted and he said that "he drew that b/c that is what I like."
Sometimes he knows me better than me.
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