Living

Something is sinking in today. Something big. BIG. I am having a low key day at home with Cade. We are reading, communicating, he is attempting to talk to me…over and over. When he wanted a bottle he opened the fridge, brought me the milk and made his “please” noise. When he was finished drinking I got a “mamma, maaaammma” and his little hand held it out to me. I have done laundry and focused on him today. And I am enjoying it.

On Monday I felt a release to not find my ID in a job, free to pursue that if I desire, and today I am enjoying being home. Realizing that I need to embrace me. Embrace life. I have been walking in regret. Walking in who I am not. Wanting to BE someone. In the process I have not been living. And today I feel like I can. Maybe for the first time. I feel like I can dream beyond striving. I feel like I can dream with out the ceiling. While that opens up possibilities, I fell that I am OK in the small. There are frontiers to be discovered at home. With the children.


I am ready to explore my life as Angel, live in the moment. No more wistfulness. I feel good. I can say I am a stay at home mom. Declare it. And see where it goes. The possibilities are endless. Because I have a voice, and opinion. Circumstances are not defining me.

While this time in my life has been grueling. I am seeing the results and I like the new foundation that is becoming me.