FAll

Funny how I tend to grow the most in the fall. When the land is dying and preparing for winter I am sprouting. Each year, it seems, I get my orders for the year at this time. I looked back at journal entries from last year and was amazed at my progress this year. More is coming. I feel it.

I am being refined. It is at times painful, but always fruitful. Recently I emailed an old friend with some of my feelings that have been building up over the years. To stand up for myself, with out negative emotions is new to me. Her response was calm, but accusatory. 5 pages of what I have done wrong and not one acknowledgment or validation of what I had felt. I would call it a rebuttal with a closing argument. In the past I would have been devastated. Now I am choosing to learn from the experience. Learn from her words. I want to emerge a better individual.

I realize that I am a type-A personality. I know that. In the past I have shrunk away from that. Tried to downplay it. Not anymore. I am learning to embrace my essence. With that is new strength. And softness. The fight is out of me and now my true authority to govern my life is evident. I wasted many years trying to be what I naturally am. I am excited to see this next year.

There is much going on in my life, in my home, in the world. Contemplations run in my head all the time. It is nice to have this one place where all i think about it me. I don't think anyone knows about my blog. I don't think anyone reads it. I like that, kinda.