Modesty - a Quiz

Modesty - in the context of clothing standards
Definition of MODESTY

1

: freedom from conceit or vanity

2

: propriety in dress, speech, or conduct

What does that word mean to you?
Why are you modest?
Are we modest for the men in our life?
For ourselves?
For our beliefs?
Our comfort?
So other women will or will not notice us?
Or judge us?

What is your motivation for modesty?


Where do you get your modesty standards? Why or why not? How do the following categories effect your motivations?
Society.
Beliefs.
Culture.
Fashion.
Weight.
Breast size.
Derriere size. (bottom, rear, rump, heinie, keaster, whatever you call it)
Comfort.
Tradition.
Our Upbringing.
Men in our life.

My questions about modesty clearly state that I come from a culture by location and belief that dictate it is a SUBJECT. So ingrained in my psyche were the have-to and the what-not-to-do's that I never really asked myself these questions until I had girls entering puberty.

I also had a very riveting conversation about this topic with my bestie's this week. We hashed the subject with great gusto and passion.  We are from different backgrounds and have very different personalities. As women, we ALL have strong opinions regarding this subject.


 I would like to hear your thoughts.
And I would like to tell you mine.
I find myself exploring the WHOLE topic.

A. Modesty of dress has a vastly different standard depending on where you are.
Europe enjoys the luxury of topless beaches, communal showers, and body acceptance. It is not unusual to see a billboard depicting a naked or semi naked individual, male or female. The Middle East encourages the burqa for all women. Amish frown on the use of buttons. In fact, depending on where you reside in America there are accepted forms of female modesty. Why does my locale define my clothing choice?
 - Facebook has a few blog posts being shared liberally at the moment that are focusing on swimwear. They are well written, most of them... but are they not from a place of societal standards? In America?


B. Is it our responsibility to keep a man from looking at us? A man is designed to be visual. If I took that away from my husband I would be taking away a part of his biological design. If he ceases to notice a beautiful woman he would be dull in his senses and eventually, by logic, dull to me. If a man notices me (or any woman) is it not his responsibility what he does with it? Noticing does NOT equal lusting... not the last time I checked.
 - Why are we so sensitive? I believe, we have taught men to be jumpy, second guess their motives. Guilt is a powerful tool in the degradation of a society. And is our sensitivity evidence of training, insecurity or fear?
 - If I may digress. I like food. mmmm. I really do. If I am hungry and see and smell a pizza I have a choice whether I am going to partake... right? If I am dieting I will choose not to.... MAYBE... if I am strong and have resolve. If I am not dieting I may take a nibble, possibly have a piece, maybe two. I personally, would never, could never eat the whole pie. My internal responses dictate the outcome of my waistline. It is NOT the pizza's responsibility, nor the persons who made it, to help me make a wise personal choice. And if I smell it, it doesn't necessarily mean I want it. Does it?
 - And since modesty seems to have EVERYTHING to do with the opposite gender:
( I will quote my hubby here as we have had MANY in depth discussions on this subject.) Direct quote: "A woman could be covered from neck to toes in thick fabric, but if she has a "come hither" vibe, a man will notice. That is more powerful than her clothing choice."
 - My husband says that whether he sees a woman's midriff at the beach or not makes little difference. EVERY woman has less clothes on than "normal" but at the beach/pool it is acceptable.... no matter where you fall on the modesty chart.  The fact that a tiny skirt covers the top of her thighs is really inconsequential. If he wanted to look or lust or imagine there is enough skin to do so, regardless.

C. As women we are beautiful by design and we LONG to be beautiful. VERY. ALL the time. In various ways.  I can also say with conviction that we are sexual, sensual beings. Feminine. Soft. Desirous.  We were made to give ourselves to another. If we choose. It is biological. The methods used to attract that person are usually a result of many internal and external factors. The effect our beauty has on another, I would venture to say, has little to do with actual cleavage and EVERYTHING to do with how we view ourselves. Who we are is how we choose to present to the world.


D. Should modesty be a personal choice? A choice based on the fact that we treasure ourselves as a woman? We are all royalty in some fashion. If we reduce modesty to external, societal, religious, fashion appropriateness are we missing a HUGE variable?  Maybe self respect and self choice? Should modesty be based on a choice of personal presentation, standards, responsibility? Essentially, shouldn't it be from a positive "I-can-because-I-trust me" instead of a negative "I can't, I won't, I better not?"
   ~ Perhaps this is a good time to throw in the mix that I grew up with VERY central Pennsylvania strict standards, but on my own have very little inhibitions. Translation: I would not be considered the most modest girl at the party. But I have my standards. And my limits. And my respect for situations, people, etc. When I was in Egypt I wore dresses, long ones, and my head was covered as required.  When I was in South and Central America I wore skirts to church. When I was in Florida .... never mind...


E. Final thought: How much does body proportion factor into modesty?


Notice I have not given you any of my opinions, choices or standards. I have only thrown out questions and topics that are currently making me reconsider why I wear what I wear, where I wear it, how I wear it and what my responsibility is to society as a whole as I do so.

Thoughts?

wearing a TUTU and carrying a sword

The title on my twitter account is "35 and trying WAY too hard." I am so aware at this stage in life that the more I know the less I know. You know?

Rephrased: The more I know the more I realize there is to know.

Rephrased: I don't know squat.

It was easier somehow when I was in my twenties and I was trying to just figure myself out.

Now I am ok with myself, have come to terms with the fact that flaws are a part of life:
I can enter a room without comparing myself to all the other females there.
My clothes are last season... and I somehow do not really care... most days.
I can smile at a stranger before they smile at me.
I can now see someone who is CLEARLY having a bad day and realize that it is just a BAD DAY, maybe even moment, they are not a horrible person.

In my 30's I am working on my contribution to the world. It is HARD. I am a parent of 4 children. I have clients. I have friends. I have a future. And I have a husband. Not to mention community and volunteer responsibilities.  I want an innovative healthy menu, which means that I have to have a well stocked kitchen AT ALL TIMES. (who has time for that?) I need to recycle. Wipe down the commode. Have fresh smelling laundry. Blog. Instagram, Facebook, tweet.... now tumblr and Vine? WHAT????  I am an intense Tasmanian devil. I am an all in or all out type of personality. Taking a chill pill is not part of my nature. Most of the time. God, how I wish it was.

Currently, Life is a two-fisted war approach for me. Intentionality and experiencing the beauty of the moment.

I am thinking of starting a brand called Calm (the Freak) Down -  and it would offer all sorts of products to remind a person to take a step back and BREATHE.  You know, stress balls, punching bags, elliptical that go to level 50, incline 100 and that have LOCKS for your feet, isolation chambers that strap you down and force you to listen to the sounds of a bubbling brook. HAH!


I am hoping that in my forties I will have arrived!  (wink, wink)

One thing that keeps me going when the intensity of the moment is threatening to take me to the Looney Bin is laughter. Keeping my humor ranks up there with sleep and water these days. (knock, knock)

The second thing that saves the day? A phrase that an old man said to me a long time ago.... "You are a delicate beauty."
 At the moment I laughed. Like a HAHHHAHHHAHAHAHA, you don't know me, nice try laugh. But he didn't laugh. He just looked at me intensely and asked me to ponder his words.

 Those words stayed with me. Seared themselves into my soul.

 I  was able to understand/ receive his words when I saw my daughter one day,  my second precious, precocious, lovable, scream inducing, wild, sarcastic, compassionate, adventurous, daughter... who was just like me. There she was, blond curls tousled, running around our yard wearing her tutu, the one she wore 24/7, carrying her favorite toy, a wooden sword the neighbor boy had made for her, Dancing, twirling, singing and shrieking  "I'll kill you, HA!" At that moment my eyes filled with tears and I realized how a crazy-over-the-top-obnoxious-loud-go-getter like myself could be a delicate beauty.

So today I see myself climbing the caverns of my thirties wearing a tutu and carrying a nice, big sword!

Responses to my blogs on self care

My recent blog posts on self care netted some excellent conversations with friends and acquaintances.  Those conversations were in person, phone or via email.  I was changed/ blessed by the interactions, my thoughts were expanded.

I thought that you would enjoy them as much as I... and honestly they were so real, so tender, so courageous, there was no way I was going to let their words stop with me. For every one person who opens their heart, there are scores more who can relate, but process in solitude.

As you read, know that these are excerpts from several people who gave permission for me to share their bared soul. And I treasure their trust. Please read with an open heart and respond with your own heart thoughts, as I know an open dialogue will encourage them in their journey. 

In response to "an opinion piece"

0.1  I know that American culture is fundamentally selfish. We want to have a great story, do all sorts of things and have pleasure. Yes, even I feel those things. But if I really look deeper at the hidden depth of my soul, I seek those things not because I am selfish but because I so desperately don't want to face who I am and the ugly wounds that cover my soul. But my desperation comes out as selfishness... Selfishness is my medicine to self soothe. For me... My selfishness rears it's head in the area of  food. There it is, the ugly truth. 

In response to .2
2.1 For me, I have been deeply pondering what you have to say. So much has happened to me in the past two to three years, that I often feel a bit out to sea. My old responses and behaviors no longer fit the person I have become, and as this new person, I often face circumstances I never imagined I would ever face and I have no frame of reference for dealing with them. As I have read what you have to say about self care, I found myself agreeing with everything you have to say. I do some of the things you suggested, but others are non-existent in my life. But as I pondered, I realized that for me... Self care must truly begin with figuring out who I am now. I have lived in survival mode for so long and changed so much, that I feel like a stranger in my own skin. I know who I was before I got married. When I was the most "me". But I am no longer that person, my marriage and motherhood have fundamentally changed who I am. I know who I was for the first 10 years I was married. But I am no longer that person either, God has fundamentally changed who I am. But... The wounds of that time are still controlling this new me. So self care is dealing with the wounds and understanding who I have become. 

You vaguely addressed this, I think that many women, maybe even most women, need to start here. We can't care for our self, if we don't even know who we are or what we need. We are told by society and by our church that we "need" to get married and have children and have a clean house and a career if we want one. We need to fulfill the needs of our husband and children and sacrifice ourselves for their benefit on the altar of motherhood and wifehood. And as I read my bible... I simply don't see that being God's plan. We have twisted what God meant for good and made it detrimental to women. And women lose themselves in the process. Or they are screaming on the inside as they struggle to keep themselves intact while acting "appropriately" on the outside. While self care is important, women have to crawl off the altar and first recognize that they are not the sacrifice for everyone's happiness. Jesus alone belongs there. But when we crawl off the altar... Then what? What does life look like? 


2.2 I think I am in love with a man. And he is not my husband.  Well, maybe not love. But in "something." More than a crush. How did this happen? It took me by surprise  I was not looking. In fact I prided myself that I would NEVER experience this.  I am finding parts of myself I never knew were inside me. Powerful parts of me. Delicate womanly feelings that I have never felt before. I will not DO anything with these feelings.  HE does not know. I will not continue contact and I have had some space. I am getting more perspective with it all. Slowly.  The ache is still there. I still don't know what to do with it. I still long to know what it would be like. One thing I am learning…is my ache, MY reality is MANY, many woman's ache. And many of us have had the same experience I am walking right now. We just don't talk about it. There is no easy solution that makes it feel all better. And that sucks. So that is where I am right now. 


2.3 I am in a bit of an identity crisis. I actually googled "how to find yourself." Yes, I did. And I am not even embarrassed about it. I found some great ideas. One of the suggestions was to eliminate distractions in your life. The things that you go-to out of ease when you should be taking time to focus on yourself, your desires, YOU.  So I identified what those things are and I am eliminating them. Today!




2.4 I am married. Happily. Ish. Been married for almost 20 years. I try to take care of myself, I do well for the most part. I work hard but am learning when I need to take "me" time. What I really need/want is to be taken care of. Pursued. I want to share all of me with my husband. I want him to SEE me. I want him to be as at ease with life as I feel. I feel like as I grow, progress, become healthier, he and I are going in two directions. And I don't know where to go from here...


2.5 I read what you wrote today and I had to talk to you... today. I do not like me. I used to like me and somewhere along the way I lost who I was. Guilt has become a major factor in my choices or lack of choices. I have made some decisions that I regret and I cannot seem to forgive myself.  When I have time to myself it seems like my thoughts cycle through all that I am not. It is not desirable, thus I avoid it. I no longer put the time and effort into myself that I used to.

In response to .3 - this was by far the least read/ least responded to post, which I find interesting considering my main readership is from the Pennsylvania bible belt and I talked on spiritual growth. I believe we are so sick of hearing about how to grow spiritually. We are dull. numb. almost sick with all the "have to's." We are craving real life.  Authenticity. And for many, spiritual growth, by subject, is a stressor, not a pleasure.

3.1 Spiritual growth is not something I want to think about right now. I do not get it at church. I do not get it with my peers, I do not get it in my small group. And, honestly, it takes so much WORK to learn and grow. I suppose my motivation is from a place of obligation more than desire. I have knowledge and I do not need more of that.  

In response to .4

4.1  As I have been thinking about what you have written, I have been praying. And as I have been praying, God has been using a conversation with a friend and a book to hold a mirror up to a hidden place. Truthfully, it's been hard. It has been pointed out to me that obesity and anorexia are two faces of the same problem. One is extreme lack of eating, the other an extreme overheating, but both come from the same broken place. A place of insecurity, hurt and a need for control. One takes control by choosing not to eat. The other takes control by eating everything in sight. Why I fall on one side and not the other is a mystery, but I believe it has to do with pleasure. I can pinpoint a point when I had been married for less than a year... I was deeply unhappy, marriage was not what I thought it would be, I had been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder... And I made a choice that even though I could no longer find pleasure in physical activity and my marriage was lonely and miserable, I could find pleasure in food. As I have looked back during the past few days, I realize that in that moment... I consciously chose obesity as the solution to my problems. What a terrible and ridiculous choice. 

While I am getting better, I have a long way to go, progress has been made. I've lost almost 100 pounds making better choices half the time. But I will not lose the rest until I find a way to make better choices all the time.

We all have our own growth pattern, speed, and destination. More than ever I am convinced that we need each other to get where we are going. It remains a tedious, vulnerable and fear-facing process. To open ourselves up to another for the sake of ourselves, that is courage.

Late to the Dentist????

I am sipping iced coffee (cold brew) staring out the window and watching the bright HOT sun dry the droplets of rain still clinging to the window from the summer thundershower a few minutes ago. My brain is, of course, motoring along thinking about everything -  trying to contemplate the solution to the worlds problems while deciding if I want rosemary or oregano on my roasted potatoes for supper.


I suddenly realized how TIRED I feel. Recently I have been teaching myself new habits in my thinking. More targeted thoughts. More productive. I feel more energized, focused and am able to accomplish more when I am in control of my thought patterns.  And I realize that my perspectives are changing, my vision expanding.

Alas, today I fell off the boat... I have struggled to stay on top. It started with my four year old melting down because the red shorts that I picked out were not cool. And I chose that fight to try to win. Not worth it! Because .... I was late to their dentist appointment. Which made me feel stressed the whole way there, and as fate would have it,  I hit EVERY single red light... and some road work.  As we arrived in the parking lot, I shrieked for them to scoot, "come on, boys, lets MOVE" I grabbed my favorite purse to sling over my shoulder and the strap broke sending the contents all over the parking lot. And strangely I felt hot frustrated tears come to my eyes.

WHAT?????

As I have been writing about self care and my journey, days like today remind me:
1. how crucial it is to take care of myself
2. how very far I still have to go

I realize that I need a semi predictable schedule, with time built in for epic fails. When that fail cushion is missing my stress level increases, productivity decreases.

Today I had no cushion. And for some reason it took me until 6pm to realize that I was a ball of wound-up-tension.  Perhaps the torrential rain hitting my face as I ran to close my car windows shocked my senses. Or the fact that there is purple cornstarch goop ALL over my kitchen from the pre-teen sleepover at my house last night ... and I only now decided to care about it ....and by care I mean clean it.


No matter -  what I take away from today is:

I have changed, I know what change feels like, today was a step back into my old ways.... I noticed, albeit late,  BUT I NOTICED.

And then I sat down to write... because these days, that is what makes me happy.

The itch to travel

Do you ever feel deeply inspired by the world and the people in it? I think it is why I like to travel so much; to meet new people, experience activities out of my normal life.... I expand.  I feel that when I feel dry/ uncreative all I need to do is look up and see the world through others eyes.

My current inspirations:

1. I have a brother who is writing a zombie apocalypse book. So good. And not my normal reading material.




       * and a sister blogging from IRELAND for a college internship, http://katewithpurpose.wordpress.com/

       * And a sister blogging about her life as a mom, a homeschool mom to boot.http://becauseofezra.blogspot.com/
   







2. I have a new acquaintance who is a professional crafter. I lurk on her facebook and blog. I am amazed by her brain.

•                           http://www.sweetpapertreats.com
•                           http://www.etsy.com/shop/sweetstuffbybrenda

3. I have a friend getting married for the first time, in her mid thirties. It is fun to see the world through her eyes right now.









4. I have a pre-teen, and an early teen ... both girls ('nuff said)





I haven't traveled in a bit over a year.... and I feel the itch again... the itch to breathe deeply of air I have never breathed before. To see sights I know will crawl inside my soul and never leave. To talk to strangers and, for a moment, see life through their eyes.


Maybe soon.
Maybe.
 (a girl can dream)

What inspires you?

Self care - opinion piece - final chapter

RELATIONSHIPS

This post is near and dear to my heart. For me one of the most VITAL parts of self care are the people I have in my inner circle. The ones who know my heart, I know theirs. The ones who call me out, call me up. The ones who know my ugly and love me even more for it. The ones who LOVE me, unconditionally.

I know, I know, it's rare to find people who LISTEN, who are deeply transparent, eternally encouraging,  tireless cheerleaders and bring meals just because.  But I have it. And I am ME because of it.  It is part of the way I take care of me... relationships.

Not all of my "inner circle" are on my side of the country.  Not all of my inner circle know my kids birthdays. Not all of them know my favorite color or food or follow me on pinterest. But I think they all know what my laugh sounds like. And my voice right before I cry.  I think they can all gauge my happiness by the look in my eyes.

They each fill differentt roles, essential roles in my life. And I am confident that I do the same in theirs. I crave time with them. And sometimes, when an SOS goes out, I drop EVERYTHING to be by their side.

In researching self care and identity, friendships were a suggestion that I found in only a few places. For me I believe it is in my top three! Absolutely. To be un-judged. Called out on BS. Not competed with. Celebrated. Hugged. Comfortable.

It is LIFE to my soul.

Each time I experience my people I walk away better. bigger. taller. stronger. Better looking :)


And I have a greater capacity to GIVE....

Which is the next seldom listed item on the self care list: Giving back.

To be full enough to give with out needing anything in return.... isn't that a beautiful thing? To give as we can, to those we can, in the way we can aids in keeping our feet firmly planted. Being in a position of servitude, humbly embracing another, sacrificially sharing our energy, our time, our resources makes the world a better place. In the process we find out who we are and what we are made of, we discover our depth and realize what empathy, compassion, love really truly are.

What relationships are in your life? If you desire more depth.. what are you doing about it?
Are you giving? Freely? Not out of obligation or because it is PC? Are you giving from the excess in your soul? When we can give, from the place of a full inner well, we will run over, streams of water to the world around us.

I wish you all a beautiful day! May your soul be refreshed, your life be fulfilled, and the corners of your eyes creased with smile lines!

Self care - opinion continued.4

 I write these posts from the journey of my soul.
From a harrowing path, steep inclines and dangerous declines, in my journey to understand what self care truly is. I had to change my attitude toward myself. I had to give myself permission to care. I had to allow myself to heal along the way. (and it hurts a bit.....ok....a lot) I have had to start small and take baby steps. I have realized that if I do not WORK HARD to care for myself than my selfish need to take increases. It is ugly. And tastes like red liquid sugar (yummy for a minute and sick for an hour after).

Which brings me to the next topics on self care: Care of our physical needs. My passion. My hobby. Topics so broad, I merely start the conversation...

Food Consumption: We cannot eat well without reaping the benefits. People who make excellent intake choices often make smarter choices in other aspects of their life. A pattern of un-compromise begins in the kitchen! I know, I know, it sounds cliche! But... sooo true. And sooooo hard. The variable smorgasbord surrounding us keeps us, often, from making consistent choices that aid in health from the inside out; body, mind and soul. Remember Templeton on Charlotte's Web? Do we not all know what we should and should not choose to ingest? Yet, we excuse it away somehow, and end up drunk with delectable flavors and salty nitrates. MMMMMM, diabetes and heart disease taste soooo good. 

Simple changes are often all it takes. And the benefits  are far from simple  - energy, heightened immune systems, stable emotions, clarity of thought..... ohhhhh so worth it. Diets are not the answer, we all know that. And yet... we yo-yo diet, cleanse incessantly, restrict ourselves for 30 days at a time. Constantly chasing....... Health? 

I firmly believe that gluttony is not a food issue, it is a self care issue (affecting more than our waistlines) We have a responsibility to our bodies and to our minds to fuel with high octane. Proper caloric and nutrient intake will result in healthy sized, internally clean bodies and healthy body image. Healthy body images = Acceptance of self. 

Exercise:

I enjoy exercise. A lot. It is no secret. I am not the strongest. The fastest. The most fit. My arm muscles are not immediately evident to the naked eye. But, it is my life blood. My cheap therapy. My happy place. I find that if I wane emotionally or physically it is because I have allowed life to rob me of my precious exercise. Exercise must be consistent, without consistency it reaps only minimal benefits. And pain. Often injuries. Additionally, exercise with out proper form is pointless. One can exercise for a year with out proper form and see no results. It is work to keep our posture in line, our abdomen tight, our posterior tucked in, our breathing regulated. We must push past our comfort into uncharted territories to reap the benefit of active physical expression. Exercise oxygenates the blood, the brain, and the soul. Research shows that people (not just women) feel more optimistic about the world as a whole when exercise is a part of their daily schedule. The benefits of disciplined exercise overflows into all parts of life.  MOVE!



Sleep:

I love sleep.  As a chronic insomniac for years, I imagined that my recovery was as good as sleep was gonna get. And then I got mono. And I experienced the most delicious sleep of my life. WOW. And the more I slept, the better I felt. I always thought sleep was overrated, kept me from doing what I loved, from being productive. Possibly even lazy. Now.... I am reformed. Sleep is essential. I feel all the corners of my brain, the edges of my thoughts. I rarely have a buzzy, cottony brain.  Sleep quotas are for a reason. Our body systems work better when we give them proper time to repair, rejuvenate, and REST. Try it. I dare YOU!

My conclusion?
Take care of yourself!

 I have found that our internal needs find a way to be met, 100% every time.  We have the choice if we are going to meet them healthily, or if we will let them snack and bite and whine and weep and yell and suck  - willy-nilly.

On Self Care - Opinion piece.3

Clearly I am passionate that we must make consistent habits of caring for ourselves. If we are going to progress in life, it is essential.
Positively effect our processing.
Our reasoning.
We will make decisions from a place of inner calm as opposed to inner chaos. That in and of itself would change the world as we know it.
If our thoughts are different our actions will be so.
We will mature.
Grow.
Our relationships will improve.
We will no longer look to others to make us "feel" good.
Our business interactions will evolve from narrowly chasing the dollar to strategic market placement. We will emotionally be able to come back to center without self soothing. Or requiring another to soothe us.

A key component of health is spiritual growth. In this day and age spirituality takes MANY forms and can be  an inflammatory subject. Most people fall somewhere on a spectrum;  passionate,  committed, ambivalent or apathetic. And most have an opinion about personal spirituality.

Personally, I consider myself a christian. I do not align myself with any denomination, nor do I adhere to some of the more prevalent christian mindsets. As in politics, the platforms are many and the opinions strong.  I find that I have one primary non negotiable. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME, it is about the one I serve. (another subject for another time... but when did spirituality become a humanistic, self expression? Isn't the very core of spirituality acknowledging that there is something BIGGER than US? )
Spiritual growth for me, personally, is an important part of my existence.  My ramblings on spiritual growth today are in the context of self care and are not an all-inclusive directive. I actually believe that the self care element of spiritual growth is a result of being spiritual, not the reason for.

 I am a bit largely unsympathetic to current spiritual self-help recommendations. You know the drill, my friends, messages and books that are watered down self-help using the bible or other sacred texts as a source.

Additionally, It is widely recommended that a spiritual habit of 30 minutes of "quiet time" per day (reading these watered down concepts) be adhered to for optimal spiritual growth. If you are focused and passionate an hour may be adhered to on a routine basis.

 Are you kidding me?
What have we become that we have reduced our infinite Godhead to a time, of convenience, for OUR benefit? For new believers I understand why we attempt to give them a framework to grasp the importance of spiritual habits. But we have believers that have been "saved" for years who continue to "put in their time" each morning .... and they feel like they are obedient to the point of spiritual growth.  Better yet, I do believe we have spiritual leaders who rarely, if ever, spend any time concentrated to KNOWING GOD. (forgive my generalization)
What we are producing are self focused, self righteous, immature minions who lack the ability to fully grasp the  SPIRIT. WE determine the breadth and depth and use our righteous actions as indicators of our closeness to God. Clearly, I feel strongly that this is a limited and tragic way to yield.

Is spiritual growth not a lifestyle, a pray with out ceasing, take up your cross daily, uncomfortable, on my face, hands raised, loudly singing, feet moving, body swaying dance before the one who created us all? How can we know who we are and where we will be if we do not allow ourselves to face the ONE who created it all? No limits. NOT ABOUT ME, ALL ABOUT HIM.


As in any of the suggestions for self care, the act of worship is a choice and a practice. It is NOT about feelings or planning. It is about consecrated time. With one purpose....to know.

If you are reading this and you do not have spiritual habits.... please seriously consider why you do not.
I believe that taking time to spiritually focus/seek will produce a strong foundation and renew our core. Spiritually, if our focus is outward we WILL reap the benefits inwardly. And the results will be beyond what we anticipate.



Spiritual practice is not a practice of perfection. I don't think one ever ARRIVES at complete spiritual enlightenment.
It is about the journey.
Discovering the unknown.
Experiencing what is beyond.

I know that I am growing and changing each day. That what feels broad to me today will feel narrow down the road. I am not writing from a place of knowing all, from arriving, from infinite knowledge. Instead I write from a place of openness, change, a gentle, passionate quest for a more integrated and natural existence. And spiritual growth is a place where I can be flawed, and it doesn't matter - my focus is on something so much bigger.

On self care - opinion continued.2

This self care series of posts was originally one long prose. My husband read it and nicely told me that it may be more palatable if it was broken up into smaller segments. I smiled -  Gleeful for the feedback, wry because, of course, that it what I would have recommended another to do.

In this post I will discuss Time Alone, Reflection, Meditation. All three I believe are very closely related and often hold hands in the process of self care. For me, rarely do I have one without the other, and one most certainly enhances the other.

TIME ALONE:
Often we take time alone when we are in DESPERATE need of it. Why do we wait so long? Wouldn't it be incredible to know that you have time alone SCHEDULED into your life? Time that is for a hobby. Or reading. Or hiking. Or just BEING. If we spend time with ourselves, take time to find out who we are, we have a greater capacity to embrace life. I have had time scheduled into my life for the last 10 years for weekly ME time. It has now increased to daily time. With larger chunks scheduled at routine other times; weekly, monthly, quarterly, yearly. I cannot imagine my life without it. I have become more aware of me. I have grown. Insecurities have faded away. Healing has transpired. I found my voice. And I treasure the fact that I have so many more years to discover and grow.  At first I struggled with guilt, felt like I was being selfish. But I have realized that I respond better to life and am actually, supremely less selfish as a whole when I am centered. I do a variety of activities during my alone time. I know myself now and am aware of what I need to fuel. I continue to enjoy myself more with each passing year. And I find that my life reaps the benefit.... I am a better mother, wife, friend, associate, volunteer. I used myself as the primary example, as this particular element was very difficult for me to embrace. I didn't like me, long ago, and the prospect of spending time alone with myself was daunting. Hearing my own thoughts. Facing my under-belly. I would rather have done anything... ANYTHING! Now I crave it!
 Do you value alone time? Do you find it stimulating to your soul/spirit?  Do you grow without it?


MEDITATION:
In the world I grew up in meditation was not encouraged. It was actually feared. Some new age mumbo-jumbo, it was. OR.... it  was  discussed as a means to seek a specific answer to a specific life dilemma, from a point of despair.  We have no where else to turn, so we grab an inspiring phrase, a poem, a verse, a decision and we voraciously dissect it as we try to change our mental circumstance and seek an answer. Not real sure that is the actual purpose of  meditation. But, it's a start, I suppose.
Meditation IS a time to quietly clear our minds, our soul, and our spirit to allow the words, phrase, verse of choice begin to become part of us. This can only happens if we can let go. Get beyond our thoughts. To the place where thoughts originate. It is a practice. Training. Awareness of thought patterns, of focus. Some people  confuse prayer with meditation. To me prayer is a completely different subject.  Most assuredly, meditation is not prayer, but can sometimes be combined with prayer.  Mediation IS a spiritual experience. Communion.
When we spend time meditating we reach outside ourselves and connect with bigger form, stronger energy.
Do you meditate? Why or why not? Do you feel like your thoughts are under control?

REFLECTION:
IS enhanced by meditation and is often the resulting evidence of a habit of a meditative lifestyle.
Reflection is a time to ponder where we have been, where we are going, who we have in our circle, how big this incredible world actually is. In our world today, we notice the big puffy clouds in the pristine blue sky, we sigh and breathe it in for a nano-second.. and then we are on our way. Take a bit more time for reflection in your life and see how your perspective shifts, your gratefulness grows.  Personally, I realize how deliciously small I am in this BIG world. Makes me feel safe. What do you reflect on? IS nature an important instrument to reflection for you?


I would love to dialogue about these subjects. I write, briefly, on broad subjects hoping to stimulate expanded thought, even disagreement, as I value human reasoning and it's variances.  If you are so inclined... please feel free to leave a comment.

On self care - opinion continued.1

I write from my own musings, spending time researching minimally. However, this subject of self care seems to be a popular one. So research has been done, both intentionally and by absorption. There seem to be several trains of thought, almost all pertinent and enlightened in some form or another.
The common suggestions on taking care of self are:
silence.
time.
spiritual growth.
reflection.
meditation.
exercise.
proper eating.

I concur. All of the above are excellent avenues to re-center and refresh.

I have found, though, that unless we create a habit out of self care we will not reap the full benefits of it. The above mentioned activities remain just that, activities. Benign. Absent of life. When we decide to dabble in paying attention to self, the results can be emotionally tragic. Whispers of health without any benefit.

Properly engaging in healthy activities produces positive and uncharted ripple effects for overall well being and life enhancement.  Paying dividends. Repeatedly. And our capacity to experience greater health expands. It really is beautiful. But, it is hard work.

I have been researching, reading, listening, observing the small piece of the world in which I exist; work, play and live.

In the following few posts I will take liberty to dissect the common stream of thought and pose questions. Often we are taught what to do, not how to do it. While there is no right or wrong, no system, no formula as we are all created unique, there are channels of thought to be commonly explored.

First Up: Silence
What is silence anymore? Really? My brain is so active all the time and when I have too may thoughts I have media to distract me. (I am NOT downing media) It is a deliberately conscious choice to get past thoughts into the (scary) silence that truly refreshes. It is hard. Brutal. Time consuming.

Taking time to clear our head and listen to silence, to fully experience stillness...is that not soul regenerating? And murderous to our mind that is trained to be entertained? For me a good run facilitates inner silence. My thoughts tend to run through my head more rapidly than my steps land on the pavement, and a few miles in I am ready to breathe deeply of silence.... and listen to nothing but my beating heart, the song in the wind, the variety of a crickets tone, and eventually to my own deeply buried words that transcend the human language.

How do you find silence? Where do you find silence? Do you value silence? Why or why not?

An opinion piece

Opinion piece:

I don't think that life is for our pleasure. Or our leisure.
So much of our reading material is self help. Self improvement. Increase. Plenty. Success.
We spend hours chasing our own dreams. Our our own happiness. Or trying to figure out how to.
We want to feel good. Secure.
We want great stories. We want our past, our future to be full of good feelings, memorable tangibles.
Often our thought of others is AFTER we have been appeased. We find it outrageous to actually, actively step into others shoes.
Think about conflict. Volunteering. Giving. Visiting and being visited. About travel and why we travel.

Don't misunderstand. I am all about beauty. Living. Living fully. Enjoying. Being IN the moment. But Life must be a balance. A careful treading of knowing where we stop and others begin.

In my work right now I am constantly reminding my clients to take care of themselves. Absolutely. It is an essential element to business ownership.
Maturely taking care ourselves is a commodity. I am convinced.
Guilt is a common emotion expressed in the matter of self care. Self preservation becomes the interpretation.
Recently, as I contemplate our societal quest for pleasure, I am amazed at what I see. When we do not adequately take care of me, we cannot adequately give. Or receive.
We end up taking from others. Focusing on ourselves. Draining life.

I believe that our happiness, for that is the quest, after all, is only achieved when we can properly take care of ourselves while thinking primarily of others. When happiness ceases to be the focus.... only then will we experience it.

The question posed: How do we properly care for ourselves? How do we bypass selfishness? How do we contribute to life?

I have a few thoughts.