Late to the Dentist????

I am sipping iced coffee (cold brew) staring out the window and watching the bright HOT sun dry the droplets of rain still clinging to the window from the summer thundershower a few minutes ago. My brain is, of course, motoring along thinking about everything -  trying to contemplate the solution to the worlds problems while deciding if I want rosemary or oregano on my roasted potatoes for supper.


I suddenly realized how TIRED I feel. Recently I have been teaching myself new habits in my thinking. More targeted thoughts. More productive. I feel more energized, focused and am able to accomplish more when I am in control of my thought patterns.  And I realize that my perspectives are changing, my vision expanding.

Alas, today I fell off the boat... I have struggled to stay on top. It started with my four year old melting down because the red shorts that I picked out were not cool. And I chose that fight to try to win. Not worth it! Because .... I was late to their dentist appointment. Which made me feel stressed the whole way there, and as fate would have it,  I hit EVERY single red light... and some road work.  As we arrived in the parking lot, I shrieked for them to scoot, "come on, boys, lets MOVE" I grabbed my favorite purse to sling over my shoulder and the strap broke sending the contents all over the parking lot. And strangely I felt hot frustrated tears come to my eyes.

WHAT?????

As I have been writing about self care and my journey, days like today remind me:
1. how crucial it is to take care of myself
2. how very far I still have to go

I realize that I need a semi predictable schedule, with time built in for epic fails. When that fail cushion is missing my stress level increases, productivity decreases.

Today I had no cushion. And for some reason it took me until 6pm to realize that I was a ball of wound-up-tension.  Perhaps the torrential rain hitting my face as I ran to close my car windows shocked my senses. Or the fact that there is purple cornstarch goop ALL over my kitchen from the pre-teen sleepover at my house last night ... and I only now decided to care about it ....and by care I mean clean it.


No matter -  what I take away from today is:

I have changed, I know what change feels like, today was a step back into my old ways.... I noticed, albeit late,  BUT I NOTICED.

And then I sat down to write... because these days, that is what makes me happy.