Pursuit is Pain

Last summer I watched a Ninja Competition on TV. The show is an physical test of epic proportions. Contestants the world over train to be the best Ninja Warrior by pushing their bodies to perform feats of strength beyond my comprehension. I watched in awe. The self discipline I witnessed was inspiring.

Over and over men who trained for months, even years fell into the waters below the course, defeated. Most of the men returned year after year to try again - to conquer.

                          _________________

2013 has been a year of redefinition for me. And it is only February. I cannot wait to see what the year holds. Already it promises surprises. And change. With in the perimeters I have established, of course.

I have been preparing since October 2012. Planning. Scribbling. Dreaming. Redefining.

I have been caught off guard, though. As I plan, the universe is lining up opportunity for me. The woodwork is literally oozing circumstance. All I have to do is follow. Kinda.

I feel like I am reaping fruit from seeds I have planted for years. Some intentional seeds, some unintentional. Some from seeds that I planted in pain, others from seeds I placed in glee, some natural, some not. I walked into my fear. I embraced my trepidation. I went out on a limb. I trusted my gut. And sometimes I told my gut to step off... and I went with wisdom.

I realize that I have been in a new place the last few years. A place of intentional living. I have disciplined my mind. My activities. My lifestyle. I have been judicious with those I allow close. Kind to all. Spoke the truth. Repented. And repented again. I have let things go; preconceived ideas, offenses. I have had a lot of coffee. Spent time staring at walls. Spent time bent over in gratefulness.

As I redefine my faith is growing. And my trust. In myself. In God. In others. I am having to realize that where I thought I would be is not where I am. In some ways it is better. Not all ways. I have laid down my expectations. And while I like this path.... my original intentions were far more grandiose.

My trail is harder than ever, but somehow, I feel equipped.
I have fallen. The water was ICY!
I have slipped... my knees are scarred.
I have failed. My head hung low.
But I am back. A new year. ready to try again.

Stay tuned.