Walk of Shame

Today I ran. But not really.

I run often. And when I run, I run average of 6 miles, sometimes more, sometimes slightly less. I also do speed training, calisthenics, and some strength training.

Running is purely recreational at this point in my life. Someday I will race again, and subsequently train, when the kids are a bit older.

Currrently, my exercise is therapy. Body, mind, and spirit receive oxygen. Inspired thought floods my mind. The Lord speaks to my heart. My muscles grab the road hungry for miles. I am truly ME when I am running.

Though I run short-ish distance, I do consider myself a runner. I am practiced, I read up on it, stay current on trends, eat accordingly, hydrate consistently, try new techniques, mess with my stride, breathing................

But today I couldn't finish my 4 mile trek.

Embarrassing.

To me.

As I walked my beloved hilly course I reflected.
And I did not like the conclusion.

I have had a busy 4 weeks. Very. Enjoyably so.
I have eaten on the run, barely had water, slept as needed (4-5 hours per night) ran here, there and everywhere, and exercised when I could fit it in....
I ached for it daily, but I allowed life to dictate my schedule.

As I realized that the reason for my fatigue was laziness I began to sweat with regret. You are only as good as your actions. Intent never ever won a race. EVER.

I realized that for days I have had consequences of my lackadaisical behaviors; my skin has breakouts, my hair has been very frizzy, my mind has been scattered and frantic, last weekend Isaac and I had a fight, in the car, in front of the kids (a huge no-no in our house), my standards had slipped. My intentionality had changed.

But what slapped me in my face hardest was that I didn't acknowledge until TODAY that any of that was going on. In my mind I was still a healthy, sound of mind runner.

Getting back out there showed me that no matter what belief I was believing, the TRUTH was that I was OUT OF SHAPE. And today I paid the consequences.

All day I have been disappointed. My runs are my happy place. I robbed myself.


I try not to make every lesson spiritual.

But I had to face the HARD reality that I have been doing the same thing with my spiritual health. I have been fast-fooding my quiet times, praying according to my needs, assuming my place in His will. I haven't had a life giving word or a verse on my lips for days.  It is no wonder. It became about me .... again.

Busy life = sad state of affairs.

But I know from experience that it does not have to be this way. I can be busy AND healthy. I can forsake my laziness and once again be intentional in the ways that matter. That is the only place, for me, where there is peace.

It took a miserable run to ignite my passion again.
But.....
Realistically,
I am still out of shape.

Hard work is needed to reverse the effects of the last few weeks.
From the bottom of my sole (pun intended)
I hope I learned my lesson......