Quote of the week

This is my quote for the week. 

It is HARD to choose to do something I have never done before.

The gap between wanting something new and going after it is large. As high as that-there cliff. The cliff of insanity.

See, this is my current wrestle. 

My life is Comfortable. Sure, I deal with things. I struggle. Life has lots of areas to improve and grow. I plan, set stellar goals, and hit those goals. Or I re-adjust and realign and keep on moving. It is all manageable. And do-able.  For the most part. I am progressing, changing, moving forward. It feels good and right, natural, soft ... downright cozy. As if the universe and I have ultimate synergy. Even the "hard" days have a familiar air that verifies safety. 

And that is not a bad thing. 

Right?

WRONG!!!!!! Wrong. wrong.

It finally hit me. (thanks to wise words of a close friend)

This is my life. 

Here it is.

I started out my life with an intent to live. 

And I have. Kinda. Sort-of. 

When I am 60 this will still be my life. A bit different. Maybe. Not much.

My current path is taking me right where I am headed. And it has a minimal amount of variation from my life right now.

IS THAT WHAT I WANT????

No. 

It is not.

I had the devastating (yes, I feel dramatic about this) realization that I have a steady stream of (unconscious) "somedays" in my brain. Days that never come because I am too busy living today just like I lived yesterday. Caring about the same things. Saying the same words. Going the same places. Safe. Predictable. NO ripples.

 I guess as humans we generally seek comfort. 

Or I do.
So I definitely want to think I am not the only one.
(that would make me feel much safer)

I am lulled to sleep by safety. Wrapped in the fuzzy blanket of same-ness. Pacified by the illusion of who I think I am; Edgy, Adventurous, Risky business. 

So grand.

Cue sound of scratching record

Who I really am:

1. I am NOT adventurous

2. I seek out safety and comfort

3. I have neatly folded my dreams and laid them on the top shelf 

4. My excuses for doing so are long and completely ridiculous, often fraught with finger pointing and blaming

5. I have equated struggle, pain, tears or discomfort with growth 

 and living the life 

6. I am restless... for the first time in a long time

At first the restlessness scared me. But now I know it is a compass point. A pinnacle. 

"Use it or lose it, Chica. Now or never."

This is MY life!

And I intend to live it. 

Here is the only thing I KNOW.... This will be hard. The hardest freakin' thing I will ever do.

It sounds so simple. "Do something you have never done before." But knowing it and doing it..... that is where I fall apart. 

So today I am starting small. 

Choosing discomfort - breaking a safety pattern.

Thats all I got. 

Thanks for letting me tell you. Please ask me how it's going. Any advice is welcomed.

It's gonna take time. A whole lotta precious time.