Color My World

I like meeting new people and getting to know people better.  I love it. I love people; the textures and colors, style and personalities. I recently took stock of my favorite things and meeting people, really MEETING them, was in my top three.
So it got me to thinking....
Why do I like that? What is it in my personality that binds me so tightly to others? This enjoyment has recently grown why?


My answer took awhile to articulate to myself... but the more i think about it, the more real it is to me.
Everyone sees the world different. We all have a unique view. A signature take.  Our experiences shape our perspectives. Seeing life from multiple angles is one of the "skills to develop" I have on my 2013 bucket list. I realized that those prism angles primarily come from people I experience.

If I talk to anyone for long, I realize that they have something I do not. I like that the color I see the world in is not the same for everyone. I like that my view can expand in an instant. One of my secret pleasures is trying to see the world through other eyes.

I personal train on the side, as a hobby, really. I can never seem to let it go. I thought my life was too busy last year so I tried to live with out it. No success, I got roped back in (Thank you, Lisa, I owe you!) It is my happy spot.
Why?
Besides the fact that I love exercise, I get to know people. In their homes. Usually in the unfiltered moments of their life. The mornings'll do that to you. So will pushing yourself past your pain limits. (hah)
When I used to travel, my favorite way to meet people was in their homes, suds up to their elbows. The ease of self in ones home is indescribable.

I realized that as I have loved and been loved my love for people has grown.
And the more love in my life the more I have been able to forgive.
I realized that as I have forgiven, myself and others, that I have had a clearer vision.
I realized that the more I overlooked the broader acceptance of self I obtained
The more clear my vision and the broader acceptance of self, the more completely I was able to really hear another... unfiltered.
The more I listen, beyond my ears, the more I am in awe of humanity.




And I see beauty.

Beauty is so far beyond symmetrical features, tasteful clothes, healthy BMI, social finesse, poise or even kindness. It is in authenticity. It is in taking the veil off my eyes and looking deep into another unveiled eyes.

It is the fabric, the soft fibers of my life.
And for me, it came though forgiveness. I had a lot to let go of.

I have read books, listened to speakers and podcasts, been taught that forgiveness is a key to our life.  I agreed. I thought I had done it. But, I was still posturing. Still holding back. Still filtering, judging, eye rolling and sighing. And one day it hit me.
And I realized how much unforgiveness I had in my life.

this process started 4 years ago...
I tried with sheer brute strength to forgive. Nada.
I tried to repent. Nothin'.
I tried to release things as they happened. Pointless.
I tried to love.
            ~ and then the forgiveness began~

I think the hardest part of the process for me so far has been letting go of self preservation.
The whole "it's not about me" realization ended with me having to admit... in my bones... that it is NOT about me. NOTHING. It is a laying down of my expectations, my rights, my purpose, my happiness and pain and instead choosing that truly... truly my purpose will only be fulfilled when those around me are released into their purpose. Forgiveness releases.

Do I still get offended? yes.
And angry? ummm, yep.
Do I still say things I shouldn't and revert back to snatty behavior? Sadly, I think there will always be a 7th grade snob inside of me.

And so I continue to grow.

 But what this process of forgiveness has done for me, is to release me to love. To be loved. And to SEE, HEAR, FEEL, anew. As long I do not take my feelings, my emotions, my comfort or future, my expectations with me, I find that I am more fulfilled than ever. Everything I used to want I now obtain in overwhelming portions. There is no logic to this. Just faith.

So when I say I love people. I do. I really do. All of them. And I want my world to be colored by those in my life.

  

Please, color my world.